Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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