I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
