maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
