i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
