I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
