just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
