i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
