i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
