accomplished twins. life is a go
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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