I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
