My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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