omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
