if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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