I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i came on her dog
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
