just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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