so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am spending my child support on dildos
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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