Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
