Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

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(646): View more from New York

My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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(212): View more from New York

I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.

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(845): View more from New York

So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

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(760): View more from California

He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?

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(480): View more from Arizona

you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

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(206): View more from Washington

He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro

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(512): View more from Texas

It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship

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