I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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