haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
