Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
