Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
