Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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