Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
