He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
