coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
