So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
