Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Screwed.edu
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
