Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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