Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
