I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
