May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
