He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
