garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Houston, we have a blender
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
