I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
