Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
