Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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