Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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