You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
