i just had sex bonerless
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
