dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
