oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
