Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
