I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
