make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
