Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
