So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
