i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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