They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
