im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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