I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
