I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
