Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
