so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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