even my farts smell like vagina
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
