I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
