hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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