i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
