six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A bitchslap is in order.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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