are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
