so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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