wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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