Plan B is the new Plan A
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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